Reflective Palms

Mystical Sunrise

Painting

Colours swirling from the soul
Imagination taking form
Emotions in action
Light, Heavy, 
Reason

Joy

No Reason
Sadness
Joy
Expressed


Exodus 35:31 & 32,And he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, with intelligence, with knowledge, and with all craftsmanship, to devise artistic designs, to work in gold and silver and bronze,

Blooming

Fields of Gold

Faith, Hope, Healing

Dunes

Forest Dreams

Desert Storm

Exploding Dreams

Unless A Kenerel of Wheat Dies

Pool in the Desert

Cat in the Tree

Passing Ship

Childhood memories on Dad's 80th Birthday

Today Dad would have been 80. He passed away 5  years ago on my birthday, 13 April.

When i think back on my childhood, i am grateful to have had a mother and a father.

For many  years my mom was out in the evenings doing Tupperward parties, so Dad would be home to put us to bed.

The big treat was getting a Cardbury Flake broken into a little porridge bowl and eating it with a spoon. (I still ike eating flakes today :)

He would play horsey horsey with us crawling around on the floor with one of us on his back.

Another game was the "hussby bussy" game, when once tucked in bed, we would smack the folds in our blankets and another one would form somewhere else. This was a delightful game with shrieks of amazement and laughter.

Of my fondest memories is my Dad sitting in the Sun porch, with a glass of gin before him smoking his pipe. He had a red mustache, and he could make it wiggle! and make his ears move up and down and crack his nose!! He was awesome. I never managed to do those things :D

Dad bought me books. Those books formed much of my character - Uncle Toms Bedtime Tales, ore Aesops Fables. The Readers Digest Classics.

Dad seldom gave us gifts, so the two records he bought me were the most special ones i ever had. The one was My Fairl Lady sound tracks. Then there was a childrens record, with songs like, Mamma, Pappa and BAB'y warthog.. jiggety jiggety jig! hehe... there was a song about the post man and people greeting each other with a merry good morning.

As a child i had very bad eczema on my hands. One winter Dad took me to buy kid leather gloves to help protect my hands from the cold. They were so expensive - R25.00!! Sadly i lost one glove when i lent them to a friend and only one was returned to me :(

My Dad taught me never to be late for a meeting.

To respect my elders and offer a seat to an elderly person. 

He instilled in me a love for history.

i once found a box full of old stamps and postcards from my great aunt - from there i started to collect. 

I had a little money box in the shape of a leather bound book. It had a round hole for the notes and a slot for coins. 

Whenever i was given money, my Dad would take down the box and we would deposit the money. I loved to roll up the notes .. just so, and then push them into that little hole. When the box was full, Dad and i would go ito the bank. It was a BIG place, very quiet and sober, with wooden counters and men in suits - and one would take out a key, unlock my little money book and safely put away my cash.

We used to go camping at the sea as a family. At that time you could camp wherever you wished. We had a big green family tent, a brown Landrower and a kist with all our food for two or three weeks. Fishing rods , bait and buckets were part of the luggage. Dad taught me to fish and i was quite good at it, except the cleaning part, that i let some one else do! 

Dad owned a maroon Rover. An awesome car with wood panels and leather seats. On the glove box was a sticker that read... DON'T SLAM THE DOORS. We had to close the doors gently! No eating in that car and most Saturdays i would help him to wash and polish it. When it was all shiny my image would appear fat and distorted  as it mirrored me back.  Dad was proud of his cars and looked after them well.

He loved hunting and used to fill his own bullets. I loved to stand in the garage and watch him. There were also other interesting things in that garage. An old cupboard with old books that belonged to my Grandparents. They smelled musty and old, but were fun to look at.

So many good memories.

I thank God for my Dad and for the years i had him in my life.

Hmmm tis been a while

I am sitting here with bronchitis/pneumonia.
Did not realise how long it is since i last wrote anything.

My aim was to weekly blog here about my progress with the running.. yeah so time flies.
It did not start off too well, but with time i was able to go more and do more.

Last Monday was the best i had done and i felt exhilirated. I have not felt so good and so happy all day long as on that day. I ran more than i walked and on Wed and Fri i was going to increase the time and then, i got sick.

At first i did not think it was so bad. Got some meds and dosed myself through the weekend in Swakop where we had gone for G and B's wedding, but by Sunday i was really ill. I went to the Doc yesterday and was diagnosed with bronchitis/pneumonia.
Next week we take A down to Cape Town to start her new life. This is hard on me - much harder than i thought it would be. I will miss her terribly. But this is life and she needs to make her own way.

We managed to find her new car as she had written off the old one when a car went through the red light. It has been a strange year this.
M is in Germany right now heading back on Thursday.
I am not much in the mood for blogging so.. fluit fluit my storie is uit

First Baby Steps To a Fitter Me

After a good battle with my mind and a bout of bronchitis, i went off to my first Run/Walk for Life training tonight.
Monday was supposed to be the first one, but dearest me got my morning and evening all mixed up, so today i set off with my brand new Salomons, my old gym pants and a warm pully and drove excitedly to my destination only to get hopelessly lost. Firstly, it was dark and i cannot see too well in the dark, secondly i thought i was driving the same way i did last week when i took nephew to school.

I had a good tour of Kleinekuppe though and drove past my brothers place at least twice - i was tempted to stop over for a drink, but reason prevailed and i continued on my journey and eventually found the hockey field where we meet.

I was pretty chuffed that i could do 10 min and not only 5 :D

Friday morning 5h30 will be the next challenge - step two to the Two Oceans.

The Challenge

Today i received a letter from my younger sister in South Africa.

I read it through tears. 

I put it aside, not wanting to even contemplate what she suggested.

I picked it up an hour later and re-read it.

My sister is one of those amazing ladies. She has a son who is Autistic. She did not just accept the diagnosis blindly.  She fought. She did research, she got the best therapy for her son, and today he is a delightful 10 year old.

She took on the challenge to lose weight, and she did and has maintained it. She started running and has just finished her 2nd Comrades marathon. 

This letter stemmed out of the last Comrades. She had read my blog on H's death and as she was running she prayed for me. She shares how during the run she met a lady by the name of Wendy.

"... Quite honestly i was devastated by your blog and felt immediately lead to run Comrades in your honour...

 ..... At one point on Sunday, when i was struggling, i prayed for you and i cried and carried your pain in my heart. Along the way i encountered a very special lady called Wendy. Wendy was running with her sister, M, who was having a bad run, cramping early on. Considering that Wendy is a a particularly good runner, I was struck by her selflessness and love for her sister and loyalty to see her to the end., in the process giving up her own good finishing time that she had trained so hard for.

Anyway, Wendy kept "popping" up and was a fountain of joy and encouragement to me on the run. At one point when I was really struggling - about 25 km from the end, Wendy sailed up to next to me and asked if i was a Christian., to which i obviously said yes.. She promptly pulled out a little hand-made flip book / keyring thing of scriptures she and M had put together for the day and carefully singled out one for me "Jesus said I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it ..." At that point i burst into tears and gave it back to her saying I couldn't read anymore as I was as too emotional. I told her about you and my decision to run for you, then cried some more.

..... i had a revelation of sorts in that moment, about how we should find a way to turn the grief you are feeling around - use it if you will. Then i had this idea...."

The idea she has, is that we run the Two Oceans together in Cape Town next year on 7 April 2012.

Why i am sharing all this is, that for a very long time now, i know this is what i should do. Get active, run, do long runs. I have known it for some years. I start and stop, start and stop, never enough to get anywhere.

 

I sat with her letter and the invitation in my hand, staring into the flames of the fire burning in the hearth, wondering what it is that stops me.

For 10 years i have not been able to commit myself to anything. I avoid commitment like a scorpion a fire. 

I have not felt the euphoria of success in anything. My jobs, my hobbies, my personal relationships all feel like failures or mediocre at best. 

Where did i lose my pride and belief in myself? I think i have given up.I don't know what it is to set a goal anymore, to reach a goal, to aim for that goal. It is a foreign concept now.

I want to take this up, to achieve something again, but i am honestly terrified. 

God, please give me the grace, energy and willingness to embrace the victories you have laid before me.

Of Dolphins, Pearls and Memories

The moon, what was left of it, shone eerily through the trees. She jumped as the owl screeched overhead, her heart pounding painfully as she ran, impatiently brushing back her hair as it fell into her face – she had to get there in time – before He was gone – that dark shadow that strangely brought her peace and not terror as it had the first time she stumbled into Him.

As she neared the seashore, she slowed down, the acid smell of sulfur assaulting her nostrils. She stopped a moment and breathed in deeply, her eyes closed as memories of strong arms, tender smiles and touches, dark flashing eyes, anger, laughter, HIM, threatening to overwhelm her. She shook herself, and swiftly threw off her robe, revealing her beautiful naked body to the little bit of moon, she threw back her head, her dark hair cascading down her pale naked back.

A nymph in the moonlight… the eclipsed moon

As she kept her eyes closed, breathing deeply, her mind a kaleidoscope of memories, a soft smile formed on her lips and then she felt It, the Shadow gently closing around her, a warm, comforting blanket of darkness. She sunk to her knees, The Shadow pushing her down firmly but gently, curling into a ball on her hands and knees, and then, the wondrous change took place – even though her eyes were shut tight, she saw the ethereal light all around her, lifting her and then she was on the back of the silver Dolphin, joyfully, with carefree abandon, laughing, her throaty laugh as He played in the waves, ducking and diving taking her with Him. She felt the closeness the oneness with Him that she had experience the first time after she had let go of her terror.

Suddenly, with crystal clear clarity she knew, she did not want to go back. She did not want to return to the forest house, where she was all but a captive and slave to the dreary every day life – a never- ending cycle of sleep, work, clean, cook, sleep. Day after day.

Here on the open sea, on the Silver back, she was whole, free, the nymph that was trapped within the body of the girl.

A deep loneliness engulfed her, drowning her. She sobbed silently, aquamarine tear-drops falling one by one on the Silver back. With an unexpected groan, the Dolphin ripped through the dark waves, the moon swallowed by the sun, down, down, down, into the deep deep ocean. She clung to Him her tears mingling with the salt of the sea, she was not frightened, and she had a calmness she could not explain.

It did not strike her as strange, that she was able to see all around her, the ethereal light still strong even under the sea, the beauty around her almost knocking her breath from her. Amazing colours of greens, oranges, pinks, mother of pearl, fish every colour of the earthly rainbow darting to and fro. She stared in dumb amazement, delighted, her spirit soaring like that of an eagle high above the mountain peaks.

As suddenly as He had dived, the Silver Dolphin stopped. She slid from His smooth back, and stood still. Before her was a cave.

Dark.

Black like the night above with no moon.

She turned to speak to Him, but He was gone.  With a cry she frantically searched for Him but all that greeted her was an eerie silence. As if in a bubble, nothing touching her, the sea creatures lazily going about their business, little fish darting in and out of the rocks and corals, she dropped her hands in despair. The endless flow of tears streaming down her cheeks as she stood, a nymph waif, alone.

Deserted once again.

Then she heard it, faintly at first, a voice calling her, calling the nymph. Not the girl, but the nymph. She moved forward, towards the black hole, her heart pounding fearfully. As she reached the entrance of the cave, she hesitated, her mouth dry, trembling. She knew she had to go in there, something, someone was compelling her, yet, she knew, it was her decision and hers only. She stepped back, wiping the hair from her eyes with trembling fingers, she suddenly felt cold, so terribly cold.

The voice called again, this time more strongly, more compelling, she took a tentative step, her small foot, touching the edge of the darkness, then she brought her other foot forward, trembling almost uncontrollably she stepped right into the deep blackness of the cave, and knew without knowing how, that there was not turning back. The entrance was now closed. There would be no turning back.

As she took another step a soft glow appeared at her feet. She felt a thrill of excitement ripple through her naked body. She started walking following the glow as it curve its way through the tunnel.

Suddenly the glow came to a standstill. She lifted her head, and looked around her. The rock walls jutting out cruelly. She shuddered; she could so easily be torn to bits by the angry knife-like spikes of the rock. Then she saw it, glinting against the dark rock, a gold chain. She lifted it, her fingers trembling as she recognized the anklet. The scene before her changed. She was in a tent, a dark handsome Man, lifting her foot tenderly, placing the gold chain around her slim ankle. Dance! He called out and she began to dance silks swirling around her hips, Someone clapping to the rhythm of the music. Laughter burst from her lips and she ran forward towards Him, her arms outstretched…. But he and the girl were swallowed by the darkness.

The deep loneliness crept over her once again.  Clasping the chain, she continued walking as the glow moved on. She sensed the tunnel shrinking, and soon she was crawling on her knees, vivid pictures dancing before her... A slave post, the girl bound naked and ashamed cringing under an icy cold gaze her silks torn from her body, lying ripped at her feet. People jeering. “She must have done something to deserve this” a voice taunted.

A door slamming on fingers. Toes and finger tips bleeding, hurting, her tongue and nipple pierced as tears of terror streamed down her face. She stopped her body racked by sobs, flooded by regret.

A sudden calmness came over her as she felt a warm, soft blanket wrapped around her – a poncho. She hugged it close to her, her tears subsiding. Now, excitedly she crawled on, her knees barely feeling the cuts and grazes of the rough surface.

The glow continued to guide her, and the voice beckoned from afar. After a long while she felt the texture under her knees change to gravely wet sand.

Sea sand.

Before her stretched miles and miles of beach, the waves lapping gently at its edge. With a joyous whoop she sprang up, glad to be free of the confines of the scary tunnel and its memories.

She ran, skipped and twirled around and around eventually throwing herself onto the white warm sand. She lay there a while, reveling in the music of the waves, the raucous calls of gulls overhead. She threw her arms open, and as she did, her hand hit something hard. Turning her head, she saw the open clam – a sad lonely clam.

As if in slow motion, she sat up, clasping the clam to her breast. Lifting it, she pressed it to her lips.

It had been a sunny day, with a cool sea breeze caressing their heated bodies. They had playfully splashed and ducked one another, diving in the waves, their laughter ringing out drowned by the calls of the gulls and the crash of the waves. He dove down, surfacing again, spluttering for air, and triumphantly holding up the slipper wet clam. Running up the beach, He threw Himself down and pulled her down with Him.

Opening it up, He held it open for her, His eyes shining with pride and love… nestled within the shell was the most beautiful pearl the nymph had ever seen. She looked up at Him, no smile on her lips, only in her eyes, as they sparkled in wonder. He lifted the pearl and gave it to her. She took it from Him cradling it softly in the palm of her hand, and leaned over to kiss Him, when suddenly the pearl fell and tumbled away with the waves.

Without thinking, He jumped up and ran into the sea, trying to catch the elusive jewel. She screamed then, a sudden terror gripping her, but He was gone.

Gone.

Like the moon swallowed by the sun.

Gone.

Days went by, and everyday she walked the seashore. On a moonlit night, she sat, the lonely nymph waif, upon the cold wet sand at the shore, when to her delight a Silver Dolphin rose from the frothy waves, playing for her, leaping and diving, enthralling her, warming her icy heart.

She sat motionless for, what seemed like hours, holding the clam, watching as the sun rose with golden streaks painting the grey sky. She stirred then, her limbs numb from cold. It was then that she heard it again, the voice calling her from far. She rose as if hypnotized, numb in heart, body and soul.  Without thought she moved towards the voice, her feet carrying her automatically. As she walked, life returned to her numb body and mind, and she became aware of her surroundings. A movement to her right caught her eye, turning her head she saw the Silver Dolphin frolicking in the waves alongside her.

With a gleeful laugh she started running, racing against Him, running running running, her feet flying over the silver sand…… her eyes not leaving Him. Suddenly she stumbled and fell, sprawled out on the sand, with waves lapping at her feet. She thought she heard Him laugh, a laugh she would know anywhere. She knew it was purely her imagination.

She pulled herself up and as she did, she saw half buried in the sand, a black leather thong. Her heart stopped. She yanked  it out, knowing without looking that it would have dangling from it, a blue teardrop. She clutched it together with the ankle chain, her heart pounding.  Before the a scene unfolded…. A girl kneeling, her arms extended and wriss crossed, the Man walking to and fro, around her, barking questions. Others sat there watching. The girl’s heart pounding, hesitant at times, very sure at others of her answers. The Man, placing this very necklace around her neck, His eyes shining with pride at His slave. Tears of joy flowing unashamedly down her cheeks as she is enveloped in His strong loving arms.  With reluctance she turned her mind to the present.

She looked for the Dolphin but once again He had disappeared. She continued to run, her heart soaring even as the pain of memories threatened to overwhelm her.

At last she reached a cove. Sparkling white sand forming a welcoming haven. She threw herself down, out of breath, her chest heaving. Closing her eyes, she lay there until a deep peace invaded her mind, her body her soul.

She lifted the teardrop to her lips, kissing it softly, sucking gently on it, allowing memories of happy moments to invade her mind. She turned on to her tummy, and crossed her arms laying her head on them. Then she saw it, nestled in a mother of pearl shell….

The Pearl.

She knew without a doubt it was the same pearl. She lifted herself to her knees and crawled towards it, and as she picked it up, she heard a splash behind her. Turning in surprise, she saw the Dolphin. 

Mesmerized she watched as He moved gracefully towards her.

Reaching the beach, the Dolphin flopped gracefully to the sand and lay still, closing His eyes.  The nymph jumped up, running to Him, the Pearl burning in the palm of her hand. Before she reached Him, the glow that had led her, appeared. A soft, gentle light, touching the still form of the Silver Dolphin. She watched with a sense of awe, as before her eyes His form changed and there lay, on the silver sand, Him. The One she loved, the One she had kept in her heart and never forgot.

Tears and laughter mingled as she ran to Him, throwing herself upon Him her slim arms folding around Him, tears wetting His cheeks.

With a sudden chuckle He jumped up, pushing her into the sand, His arms like a vice around her body, holding her tight, His salty lips seeking hers, and kissed her long ,hard, hungrily.

I have come to fetch you My nymph He whispered. Never again will we be parted. e will be the oyster and the pearl, One.

Together they watched as the moon rose above the restless sea. Their hearts at peace, as He took her hand and led her back to the silver waves.