The Challenge

Today i received a letter from my younger sister in South Africa.

I read it through tears. 

I put it aside, not wanting to even contemplate what she suggested.

I picked it up an hour later and re-read it.

My sister is one of those amazing ladies. She has a son who is Autistic. She did not just accept the diagnosis blindly.  She fought. She did research, she got the best therapy for her son, and today he is a delightful 10 year old.

She took on the challenge to lose weight, and she did and has maintained it. She started running and has just finished her 2nd Comrades marathon. 

This letter stemmed out of the last Comrades. She had read my blog on H's death and as she was running she prayed for me. She shares how during the run she met a lady by the name of Wendy.

"... Quite honestly i was devastated by your blog and felt immediately lead to run Comrades in your honour...

 ..... At one point on Sunday, when i was struggling, i prayed for you and i cried and carried your pain in my heart. Along the way i encountered a very special lady called Wendy. Wendy was running with her sister, M, who was having a bad run, cramping early on. Considering that Wendy is a a particularly good runner, I was struck by her selflessness and love for her sister and loyalty to see her to the end., in the process giving up her own good finishing time that she had trained so hard for.

Anyway, Wendy kept "popping" up and was a fountain of joy and encouragement to me on the run. At one point when I was really struggling - about 25 km from the end, Wendy sailed up to next to me and asked if i was a Christian., to which i obviously said yes.. She promptly pulled out a little hand-made flip book / keyring thing of scriptures she and M had put together for the day and carefully singled out one for me "Jesus said I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it ..." At that point i burst into tears and gave it back to her saying I couldn't read anymore as I was as too emotional. I told her about you and my decision to run for you, then cried some more.

..... i had a revelation of sorts in that moment, about how we should find a way to turn the grief you are feeling around - use it if you will. Then i had this idea...."

The idea she has, is that we run the Two Oceans together in Cape Town next year on 7 April 2012.

Why i am sharing all this is, that for a very long time now, i know this is what i should do. Get active, run, do long runs. I have known it for some years. I start and stop, start and stop, never enough to get anywhere.

 

I sat with her letter and the invitation in my hand, staring into the flames of the fire burning in the hearth, wondering what it is that stops me.

For 10 years i have not been able to commit myself to anything. I avoid commitment like a scorpion a fire. 

I have not felt the euphoria of success in anything. My jobs, my hobbies, my personal relationships all feel like failures or mediocre at best. 

Where did i lose my pride and belief in myself? I think i have given up.I don't know what it is to set a goal anymore, to reach a goal, to aim for that goal. It is a foreign concept now.

I want to take this up, to achieve something again, but i am honestly terrified. 

God, please give me the grace, energy and willingness to embrace the victories you have laid before me.